When you arrive at Back up slopthe hits just keep coming, and Napster (yes, that Napster) is responsible for the latest banger. To my dismay, all of the over 30 favorite music piracy sites are back from the dead zombie style, and this time it’s billing itself as a platform where people (not people I know) can go and make AI music slop together.

Here’s what the new CEO, a man named John Acunto, had to say about all that:

“Napster was born to break boundaries, and we’re doing it again. We see it as a declaration that the age of passive consumption is over. Fans aren’t here to be fed a playlist. They’re here to co-create, to merge their identity with AI artists in real time, and to form the soundtrack of a new era.”

Sure, whatever you say, John. Because if there’s one thing people hate, it’s listening to music. It’s too late. You can continue and delete Spotify or Apple Musiceverything. Thanks to zombie Napster, you co-creator now, not just a sheep (joking) listening to music.

There is, unfortunately, a lot to unpack in the new direction for Napster, but the gist of it is that you can download an app (or use Napster on the web) to dive in and start making music as you like the same. music slop apps like Suno. If you don’t like music, you can also create podcasts, which is a very depressing thought anyway.

Napster just doesn’t want you listen in the AI ​​slop of his platform, however; as we have already established, it envisions you as a collaborator, which means you have the option of interacting with its slop-generating chatbots. Naturally, I gave that scary idea a whirl, so you don’t have to. I had the pleasure of teaming up with slop specialist “Nia Jenkins,” who I prompted to create “AI slopo,” a typo of “AI slop” that I didn’t bother to fix.

After a few minutes of “thinking,” Nia made me a song about AI slop, which is pretty meta if I do say so myself, and it sounds, well, like AI slop with a hip-hop / R&B style. I also made the mistake of allowing access to the microphone, which allows you to speak to the chatbot and prompt it with words from your mouth. If you’ve ever chatted on ChatGPT, the vibe is the same. Do I regret giving Napster access to my microphone? Yes. There is no second part to that statement. I’m just sorry.

The whole thing is as deflating as you’d expect. You type in some words, and Napster’s chatbot emits some sounds that I’m told are meant to be music. To no one’s surprise, Napster doesn’t provide any insight into what data its chatbot is trained on, but if I had to guess, it’s copyrighted music. In that way, the new Napster embodies the same spirit as the old Napster, which at its core was about piracy. Unfortunately, this heist is not as fun as the old heist. I mean, at least the other Napster Metallica was furious.

If I’m honest, the whole thing feels hollow, but I’m not sure what one can expect from a platform that’s focused on extracting creativity, skill, and soul from one of the greatest artistic mediums to grace humanity. I mean, just look at this official image of the zombie Napster (which I assume is AI-generated). The AI ​​image generator literally tried and failed steal an iconic Nirvana shirtpeople; you can’t do this thing.

I don’t know, man, maybe I’m just not reading the room here. Maybe we all hate making music now, and zombie Napster is the next big thing. Maybe John whatshisface is on the verge of laughing his ass all the way to the AI-generated bank. Or maybe zombie Napster is destined to die the same way the original Napster did — as a footnote in the long and sordid history of music vs. technology. just a lot, many less.